One hell of a ride and back

I am writing this first entry after an incredibly exhausting day full of tears and fear. It was the day I had to go to the hospital. Again. Why again? Because during a examination in my home town of Zurich, placenta residuals were found. They had to get out immediately! A whole 10 weeks after the birth of my wonderful daughter Amélie, who is sleeping at the moment..otherwise I could not be writing this right now. It is 02.31AM. I walked around with placenta residuals for 10 weeks…! I still can’t believe it. The UK GP who did the follow-up examination after 6 weeks, totally failed. He didn’t do the examination thoroughly..ignoring my warning signs or simply wasn’t interested. In any case this finding should have been made weeks before and then reacted immediately. Instead, I barely escaped an infection or worse. Now I was successfully operated on and hopefully everything will be as it should be. It was quite complicated, the doctors said, who were still completely shocked by the whole situation and kept on telling me how lucky I was that I wasn’t in any worse pain? They couldn’t explain that to themselves. I guess that someone was watching over me. Well…a bad situation was mastered now. Now I just have to “master” myself. My feelings, process everything as I am slowly just actually realizing what happened. It helps me, here in bed, to think back to the beautiful months in which I was pregnant and grew a life. All somehow doesn’t seem that bad anymore… but I still gladly would have passed on the bad part of this experience. And here is my story…

One hell of a ride and back

Our daughter was born 10 weeks ago. The pregnancy was a great one, although it was considered a high-risk pregnancy (because of various myomas = benign growths of the uterus, which can cause pain or blood disorders)! I was very happy to be pregnant and never felt more comfortable in my skin. I wore every  tight dress I could finde to be able to show off my bump. I was super proud of my “Le Bump”!

From the third month on though I had a really hard time sleeping. My legs slowly but surely swell up and my back…!!! But I was still super happy and could hardly wait to hold the little one in my arms. Ah yes, may I say at this point that from the day I found out that I was pregnant, the worries began? Is she all right? Am I eating healthy enough? Does she move? Have you experienced the same? Constantly worrying! Gosh! But I was able to distract myself with work. I worked up until one week before due-date. I loved to still do all the things I was used to, my very long and a lot. The work did me good. I was still Alex, simply with a baby on board. Then it was finally here! D-Day! D-Day came…and passed by again. Madame simply did not want to come out. She loved it in there and felt very comfortable.

Real Talk

But for real now…I was 12 days pass my delivery date and had to watch how a lot of my friends, who had their birth date after me, simply passed and had their baby before me. Haha! I was so annoyed, irritated and didn’t want to wait any longer. I was so tired of it and about to expload the next time any one would ask the question “…and, is she here yet?“! You, for f**ck sake, you’d know if she’d be here!

Fears

In the end, I was induced. After about 33 hours of labour, the most blatant contractions of all, Epidural and screaming down the hospital walls I just about managed not avoid an emergency caesarean. I had lost almost 2 liters of blood! It was crazy! It was dramatic! It was hell! It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced and achieved..in the end! Amélie..our little princess was the most beautiful thing that could have ever happened to us. She was the most beautiful end result of an unbelievable journey full of pain, screams, worries, tears, holding hands, happiness and love. She was perfect. She is a miracle… and I am proud to have created this miracle.

Conclusion

Yes, what is the conclusion now? We have a healthy, beautiful daughter named Amélie and are very grateful. Many things didn’t go according to plan at birth, nothing was as I imagined it to be – and believe me, I imagined everything to be very bad and painful. But these hours, however, exceeded EVERYTHING! It was worse.  But hey, all went well in the end. She is our pride and joy. She cries, she laughs..and the sun rises everytime she laughts! She just has the cutest and warmest smile ever. She pees over my hand while changing her diapers and also other things..ha! But lets not get into that. And how fast she grows, simply unbelievable. We have created a human being, it grew inside of me. I can not seem to find the suitable words for these feelings one has as a parent. Every now and then I have to say it out loud „We have a daugther!“ to beliebe it.  She is amazing… amazing Amélie. A new chapter in life begins….